your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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