Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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