so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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