she woke up with a sticky ear
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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