in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
