Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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