youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
