I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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