just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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