I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
