just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
