First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How does one acquire holy water?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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