Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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