remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
