Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
