break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
