Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
