Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
