I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
