Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
