too bad you live with your parents still
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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