I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
