His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
