I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
