Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
