When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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