Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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