My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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