I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
