the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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