I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
