ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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