Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
