I want to walk on stilts...naked
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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