just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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