I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
