This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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