Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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