ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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