i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
