also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
