Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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