Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
