Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I love having hate sex.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
