Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
