girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
