I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
