party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
