I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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