I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
