Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
