I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
