ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Bring me that man meat
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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