yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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