You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
As shirtless as possible
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
